The Fight Back Starts Here

It’s Sunday, five days after finishing radiotherapy. The relief at finishing treatment was soon replaced by the realisation that the side effects were intensifying. I would happily have accepted the theory that there were active volcano inside me erupting at will. I don’t know where the reserves of energy were coming from that got me to the hospital for the last few treatments, but they had certainly deserted me once treatment had ended. My body seemed to have shut down knowing that I had finished my daily journey to The Christie. Whilst there was some relief that I was now able to rest, there was also some despair in that I wasn’t able to do much else. I’ve gone through a lot of emotions in the last few days, most of them involving feeling sorry for myself. I hardly recognise the pale grey face that looks back at me in the mirror. The comradeship of being amongst others going through the same treatment and feelings had deserted me amid a realisation that I am now on my own. There is no consistency in my life, or the way the side effects are coming at me, I don’t seem to know what to expect next. I think, just think, that today I am feeling a little better. It comes with an understanding that I’m just going to have to deal with whatever this disease throws at me. I’m not sure I’m ever going to know what normal means again, or if I do it’s going to be a long time. So, it’s time to accept it and just get on with it. It’s probably only 10-12 weeks before my body has to deal with another major trauma, this time probably worse. I need to be as strong and fit as I possibly can before I face surgery. From the lows I have experienced over the last week or so, there is only one way to go – upwards. Today is the first day where I can honestly say I feel better than yesterday, and so the fight back starts here.

Catching up on other peoples blips & blogs, makes me realise a month has passed me by without me noticing. I love reading other peoples blogs, especially the one’s where you can read between the lines. Reading other peoples thoughts brings a smile to my face, an internal warmth (apart from the volcanic heat) and a sense of satisfaction knowing that others get the same pleasure from putting their thoughts down on virtual paper. It is a release and enables you to reflect on what is happening in your life, good and bad. Sadly it is not only blogs I have been missing out on. Although I’ve kept up the basic housework, there are many things that have been neglected. There are piles of clothes that need ironing everywhere. I can see the film of dust on the higher echelons of pictures and mirrors, re-cycling that needs sorting. The reality of my neglect becomes apparent when I notice that my guitars have dust on them ! Never been known before. Normally a day doesn’t go by when I don’t pick at least one of them up. I can’t remember the last time I played them, but looking at the length of my fingernails indicates it’s some time. I have one song to work on, I have the lyrics, just need to play about with a tune before hading over to Max. He has sent me two new tunes, not even downloaded them yet, but it will give me a point of focus. We will swap and switch tunes and lyrics adding our own interpretation and adjustments until we feel happy. Then we’ll get together and try them out. So, the nail clippers and emery boards are coming out, and I’m dusting down the guitars.

I did something I swore I would never do today, I went to the local shop in trackies and hoodie. The shop is only 20 yards away, and it was an emergency, so I’ll excuse myself. I read online, late in the morning, that The Observer was giving away a CD of ten studio & live tracks from the gorgeous Laura Marling. Thankfully my last minute  dash to the shop paid off as I managed to secure the last copy of the newspaper. Laura and I have one thing in common, neither of us smile much. We both talk down our talent, although I suspect she has more talking down to do than I. Seriously, she is an extraordinary talent, one of the best singer songwriters this country has produced in many decades. A talent that is so mature for her tender years. She has been writing songs since her early teens, yet still seems to have avoided the mega hype that is so often the death of many stars. It’s hard to imagine that it’s five years since this song was released, still my favourite. Since then she’s collaborated with Noah & The Whale, Mumford & Sons, Johnny Flynn, The Mystery Jets amongst others, but she’s never better than when performing on her own. Still only 20, she’s already received 2 Mercury Prize nominations, won best British singer at The Brit awards and best solo artist NME awards. I love her and her music intensely, I’m just waiting for the feelings to be reciprocated.



If you have any concerns about bowel cancer, or just want more information or check cancer rates in your area you can find all the information advice and help you need here. 



This entry was posted in Beating Bowel Cancer, Bowel Cancer, Cancer, chemotherapy, Health, Johnny Flynn, Laura Marling, Manchester, Mercury Prize, Mumford & Sons, Music, Mystery Jets, New Romantic, NME Awards, Noah & The Whale, Oldham, radiotherapy, Saddleworth, The Brits, The Christie, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Fight Back Starts Here

  1. Alec Norton says:

    I keep hearing good things about Ms. Marling, but not delved into the back catalogue yet. Which album would you recommend as a starting point?

    • only been three so far
      ‘Alas I cannot Swim’
      ‘I Speak Because I can’, which is my favourite so far
      and the current’A Creature I Don’t Know’
      She’s also released 3 EP’s of which ‘My Manic and I’ is my fav

      blimey, 3 albums, 3 EP’s, 2 Mercury noms, and she’s only 20 !

  2. Alec Norton says:

    Makes the fact I can’t get our bassist to learn our songs even more infuriating. I realised yesterday we’ve had the five songs out of around sixteen we want for a short set ready and written (except the one cover) since January. Given that I’m now moving away again in April, it all seems a bit of a wasted effort for the past year and a half. Time to start halfway-over again next year. At least I’m the one who wrote the songs though, so I can take those with me and just find the people to play them!

    I shall check out ‘A Creature I Don’t Know’ in the new year, once I get some spending cash again after all this Christmas malarkey.

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