Happy New Year Blog

You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve written this, and changed it, deleted it, started again, over and over again. I’ve had over a week to put my thoughts down, but each time, on reflection, I’ve felt them inappropriate. To say I’ve been moody might be an understatement. No matter where in your body a cancer has decided to root itself, one thing you can guarantee is that it will affect your brain – emotionally I mean, not physically. A combination of pain and lack of sleep can do funny things to your emotions.

Things have not been too good since a week or so before Christmas. Despite visits to the doctor and various changes in medication I’ve been unable to find much relief. On Friday, after yet another sleepless painful night, I realised that the light at the end of the tunnel I had been looking for was not there. By the early hours of the morning I realised I could not wait until next week for my next GP appointment, I had no option other than to phone the Lucy, the colorectal radiographer at he Christie for advice. As always, she was very helpful, understanding and considerate. It’s been over 4 weeks since the end of my treatment, so it’s unlikely to be caused by that, more likely to be damage, possibly permanent to my bowel. Scarring and constriction – we need to find a way to get it working again, even if at the end of it this section is removed during surgery. An appointment has been made for me to see the consultant again on Wednesday, hopefully he might have some more ideas as to what happens next. In the meantime Lucy phoned my GP and arranged a home visit. Whilst he was happy to accept her advice on a change in medication, he would not prescribe any additional pain relief before I saw the consultant on Wednesday. His opinion was that if the change in medication worked, then the pain would go away. I can’t agree, and clearly this was not the advice from The Christie. I am not sure who I am quoting here, but I know it was said, and how true it is. Cancer patients don’t battle cancer, they just allow their bodies to be used as a battlefield by others.

It would be easy to write 2011 off as a bad year. Yes, it’s had it’s downside, but there also been a lot of positives come from it too. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, and I’ve learnt a lot more about cancer. I’ve seen a lot of people suffering, and a lot of people showing such amazing amounts of courage. I’ve learnt not to complain (although I’m still learning this one) when there are so many others who have more right to complain. I’ve learnt how much my family and friends mean to me, and how much strangers can care as well. I’ve learnt how much my kids mean to me, and how much they love me. I’ve learnt that you’re never too old to learn. There, that’s a pretty positive year isn’t it. Why did it take me until I had cancer to learn what should have been pretty obvious? Anyway, this is not about the past, it’s about looking forward to the future. Yes, 2012 is going to be quite a challenge to me, but at least I feel better equipped to deal with whatever it is going to throw at me. All those lessons learned will stand me in good stead for what lies ahead. For now I’m going to concentrate on one month at a time, I can set myself achievable targets to work towards. Who knows what the future holds for any of us. There is no point worrying over things out of our control. And so I wish you all just one thing, the strength and confidence to deal with whatever lies ahead for you, and the ability to enjoy it.

Happy New Year J

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If you have any concerns about bowel cancer, or just want more information or check cancer rates in your area you can find all the information advice and help you need here. www.beatingbowelcancer.org

 

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This entry was posted in Bowel Cancer, Cancer, digital photography, Health, Manchester, Oldham, phone Apps, radiotherapy, Saddleworth, The Christie. Bookmark the permalink.

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