You don’t know how lucky you are. You’ve been saved from a five page moan about how sorry I was feeling for myself, and how horrible the last 72 hours have been. Chemo 3: urgh! Anyway, you’ve been saved from that.
What saved you? 3 phone calls. The first two are predictable- my kids. Alana phoned me Thursday night, just as I was climbing into bed feeling awful. Immediately made me feel better, and put a smile on my face. She just wanted to know how I was feeling, I may have told a few white lies, but it’s nice to know how much she cares. I don’t want to worry her. I know she’ll find out, she’ll have spoken to Lew, and will read this. But I find it difficult to tell her when I’m feeling so poorly, it upsets me more than her I think. Another month before her A Level results, but she’s not worried, and neither am I, I have every faith that she’ll get the grades she wants.
I phoned Lew about 1am. Out of sheer desperation. I needed to talk to someone. I found excuses as to why not to phone anyone else, didn’t want to burden them with how I was feeling, but I knew Lew would listen and understand. He understands the more complex side of cancer, the astrophysics and biochemistry. He understand the most complex issues, yet appears to struggle with what the rest of us take for granted. That’s dyslexia for you. After he explained how my body was being poisoned with platinum, and how the atom is isolated to make the dreaded oxaliplatin that is infused into my body it was a clear, like hell! We chatted for ages, and naturally drifted into music. It’s great that were both getting excited by the same things, especially the prospect of a reformed Fleetwood Mac appearing at Glastonbury next year. Rumours is in each of our ‘top ten albums of all time’ and I’m proud of that. We’ve taught, learnt so much about music from each other, and the fact that we both get excited about the same things just makes me so proud. Anyway, rumours about Rumours. Firstly, Michael Eavis has always said that he wants to get ‘The Fleetwood Mac’ (stet) . Secondly, Lyndsey Buckingham is back, he’s far too self centred and egotistic (that’s what makes him the genius he is, it‘s not a criticism), he’s only back to play HIS music, so that has to be Rumours. Already getting excited by the prospect, even though it is just a rumour, but it’s a Glastonbury rumour. I’d die a happy man if it were true, it’s got to be true. 2013 here we come. We talked abut the bass riff on ’The Chain’, it’s quite simple really, unless you play it the way John McVie does. It’s all about the slide, you wouldn’t think of playing it that way, but it makes such a difference, when you get it right. Lews band do a cover of a song, can’t remember what it is, but Lew plays’ The Chain’ riff right the way through it in the background. The song isn’t The Chain, can’t imagine how he came up with putting that riff in, but it works so well and sounds so good. I’m sure Lew will remind me what the song is the band do. As you might have guessed, our long conversation took my mind off other things, he made me feel better, for a while at least. Thanks Lew, just for being there x .
So that’s two phone calls. There were quite a few more in the morning, I’d slept it short spurts throughout the night, but my mid morning I was over the worst of it. I wasn’t getting out of bed, that’s for sure, I had my mobile, the phone, tablet, newspapers, magazines, all my meds, apart from going downstairs for coffee I had everything I needed. It was my Dads birthday, his 80th. I had spoken to sisters no. 1 & 2 . Sister no. 3, baby sis, the rich bitch, had texted me to say she would ring in an hour. She was trying to make out she was busy, but the hour just happened to coincide with the end of ITV This Morning. Anyway, the conversation went something like this…
I’ll skip the accepted formalities, how are you feeling, blah blah blah
Liz: well none of us know when were going to die, you’ve only got man flu.
Well some of us know it’s probably going to be sooner rather than later.
Yeah I’ve thought about that…..more for the rest of us
What do you mean?
Nothing really, but if you die before Dad theres more for the rest of us.
You What !
Well if you die first there’s more money for the rest of us, it’ll only be split 6 ways instead of 7 (there’s 7 of us !)
I can’t believe I’ve just said that
I can, you’ve worked it all out haven’t you. He’ll leave it all to the church anyway, just to spite you.
Is your hair falling out yet?
No, but I’m seriously thinking it’s getting thinner
that’s just your age
Seriously, it’s a known side effect, thinning as opposed to falling out.
Well if it’s really falling out it will come out in clumps
There’s’ hairs all over the bed…….
Grab a clump on your head and give it a good tug……..
I promise you, the whole conversation was interspersed with huge belly loads of laughter.
Anyway, chemo #3 was awful. How can it be so good one time and then the next so bloody awful. It’s Saturday lunchtime now, a few more hours attached to my pump, then hopefully the district nurse will call and detach me. I’m glad it’s nearly finished. Three weeks before the next one, I’ve put it back a week so I’m chemo free for Kendal Calling. We just need the weather now. It’s been a pretty crap few days, but thanks to the above phone conversations it make it just about bearable. Love you all. And yes, you too Elizabeth xxx.