Monday morning, and I awake after yet another nights sleep of 12 hours. A couple of months ago I would have given anything for a full nights sleep, but now it’s starting to concern me, it’s becoming a little too regular. I’m sure it would be longer, I could easily drop off again when I do wake up, I’m having to force myself to get out of bed and I’m beginning to realise there are so many things I have to do, things I’m not going to be able to get round to doing in the next few months. However, waking up also makes me realise I have to start the week waiting on a phone call, again. Apart from the stress of ‘just waiting’, it restricts what I can do. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to be taking calls whilst in the middle of a supermarket, or even in the bath- far too much of an echo. Besides, I have a book in which I like to jot everything down, not very easy to use in either of those locations. Well the idea is that I write everything down, it usually turns out I write down a time, or half a phrase, and then continue with meaningless doodles, leaving me to decipher it when the call ends, making secondary notes. If I don’t do that immediately then I’ll get something wrong and forget. Of course, hanging on the telephone also consists of having to answer every call. PPI, better energy prices, double glazing, home energy efficiency. The phone rings, I turn the music down, get my book and pen, only to find it’s some idiot company pronouncing my name wrong, telling me I‘m entitled to a massive amount of money/ holiday/ grant/free installation. I’ve given up speaking, I just put the receiver next to my hi-fi speakers, full blast. It somehow seems to good for them to be listening to my excellent choice in music.
I have to make an appointment to see my GP, according to the receptionist who phoned today. I can’t do that until I have the appointment for my CT scan, and then I’ve got the colonoscopy next week, as well as the appointment with the liver specialist. I don’t have time to be ill ! The CT is a volumetry check, to see if my liver can cope with surgery. I’m pretty much relying on the hope that it can. The single tumour on my liver turned out to be five ! Yeah I know, it came as a bit of a shock to me too. One on the left lobe, and four on the right. The information I was given was based on the last CT scan, not the more detailed MRI scan of my liver. I wish that had been made clear to me at the time. The bright side is that I’ll be losing those few extra pounds I’ve put on over the last couple of months, I just wish they weren’t all coming off my liver. Half of it to be precise, plus a slice from the remaining half. Probably my gall bladder as well, as it’s quite attached to my liver and doesn’t want to be left alone with nothing to hold on to.
I’m not really going to know much more until after I see the liver specialist. By then he should know whether surgery is possible, or if not, have some idea of the which other treatments might be suitable. The only thing I can be sure of at the moment is that something will be happening shortly. The liver surgeon is anxious to get his scalpels into me (subject to tests), and at the time of writing I don’t even know whether the colorectal surgeon will be joining him. He’s awaiting the results of the colonoscopy, and will then liaise with the liver surgeon. So in the coming week, I am going to be quite busy, just don’t know what the ending to the story will be. All if’s and maybe’s, possibly and hopefully. One thing I do know for certain now, is that the dull ache under my ribs on my right side is not caused by a spring in my mattress. Every cloud has a silver lining.
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If you have any concerns about bowel cancer, or just want more information or check cancer rates in your area you can find all the information advice and help you need here. www.beatingbowelcancer.org 
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reflectionsonawastedlife 